Conflict in the Workplace

Avoidance

You may choose to change the subject, leave the room, or not even enter it, but the conflict will remain and resurface when you least expect it. Your reluctance to address the conflict directly is a normal response, and one which many cultures prize. In cultures where independence is highly valued, confrontation is more common. Indirect strategies may be more common in cultures where the community is emphasized over the individual. Avoidance allows for more time to resolve the problem, but can also increase the costs associated with a problem in the first place. Your organization or business will have established policies and protocols regarding conflict resolution and redressal. Still, it is always wise to consider the position of your conversational partner or opponent and to give them, as well as yourself, time to explore alternatives.

Defensiveness versus Supportiveness

Jack Gibb discussed defensive and supportive communication interactions as part of his analysis of conflict management. Defensive communication is characterized by control, evaluation, and judgments, while supportive communication focuses on the points, not personalities. When we feel judged or criticized, our ability to listen can be diminished, and we may only hear the negative message. By focusing on the message rather than the messenger, we maintain a supportive and professional discussion.

Face-Detracting and Face-Saving

Communication is not competition. Communication is sharing understanding and meaning, but does everyone always share equally? People struggle for control, limit access to resources and information as part of territorial displays, and otherwise use the process of communication to engage in competition. People also use communication for collaboration. Both competition and cooperation can be observed in communication interactions, but two concepts central to both are face-detracting and face-saving strategies. Face-detracting strategies involve messages or statements that detract from a person’s respect, integrity, or credibility. Face-saving strategies protect credibility and separate the message from the messenger. For example, you might say that “sales were down this quarter,” without specifically noting who was responsible. Sales were down. If, however, you ask, “How does the sales manager explain the decline in sales?” you have specifically connected an individual with the negative news. While we may want to specifically connect tasks and job responsibilities to individuals and departments, in terms of language, each strategy has distinct results.

Face-detracting strategies often produce a defensive communication climate, inhibit listening, and leave little room for collaboration. To save face, raise the issue while preserving a supportive environment, allowing for constructive discussions and problem-solving. Using a face-saving strategy to shift the emphasis from the individual to the issue, we avoid power struggles and personalities, providing each other space to save face (Donohue and Klot, 1992). In collectivist cultures, where the community’s well-being is prioritized over that of the individual, face-saving strategies are a common approach to communication. In Japan, for example, confronting someone directly is perceived as a great insult, akin to humiliation. In the United States, greater emphasis is placed on individual performance, and responsibility may be more directly assessed. Suppose our goal is to solve a problem and preserve the relationship. In that case, a face-saving strategy should be one option a skilled business communicator considers when addressing negative news or information.

Empathy

Communication involves the words we write or speak, as well as how and when we convey them. How we communicate also carries meaning, and empathy for the individual consists of attending to this interaction aspect. Empathetic listening involves listening to the literal and implied meanings within a message. For example, the implied meaning may include understanding what has led this person to feel this way. We can constructively build relationships and address conflict by paying attention to feelings and emotions associated with content and information. Negotiating conflict is a common task in management, and empathy is one strategy to consider when resolving issues.

Gunnysacking

George Bach and Peter Wyden discuss gunnysacking (or backpacking) as the imaginary bag we carry into which we place unresolved conflicts or grievances over time. If your organization has undergone a merger and your business has transformed, conflicts may have arisen during the transition. Holding onto how things used to be can be like a stone in your gunny sack, influencing how you interpret your current context. People may be aware of similar issues but not know your history, and cannot see your backpack or its contents. For example, if your previous manager handled problems in one way, and your new manager handles them differently, this may cause you some stress and frustration. Your new manager cannot see how the relationship existed in the past, but will still observe the tension. Bottling up your frustrations only hurts you and can harm your current relationships. You can better assess the current situation by addressing or unpacking the patterns and variables that you carry. We learn from experience, but can distinguish between old wounds and current challenges, and try to focus our energies where they will make the most positive impact.

Managing Your Emotions

Have you ever seen red or perceived a situation through the lens of rage, anger, or frustration? Then you know you cannot see or think clearly when experiencing strong emotions. There will be times in the work environment when emotions run high. Your awareness of them can help you clear your mind and choose to wait until the moment has passed to tackle the challenge. “Never speak or make a decision in anger” is a common saying that holds, but not all emotions involve fear, anger, or frustration. A job loss can be a professional death for many, and the loss can be profound. The loss of a colleague to a layoff while retaining your position can bring pain as well as relief, and a sense of survivor’s guilt. Emotions can be contagious in the workplace, and fear of the unknown can influence people to act irrationally. The wise business communicator can recognize when emotions are on edge in themselves or others and choose to wait to communicate, problem-solve, or negotiate until after the moment has passed.

Listen without Interrupting

If you are on the receiving end of an evaluation, start by listening without interruption. Interruptions can be internal and external, and warrant further discussion. Suppose your supervisor starts to discuss a point, and you immediately start debating it. In that case, you are paying attention to yourself and what you think they said or are going to say, rather than to what is being communicated. This can lead to misunderstandings and cause you to lose valuable information necessary to understand and address the issue at hand. External interruptions may involve your attempt to get a word in edgewise and may change the course of the conversation. Let them speak while you listen, and if you need to take notes to focus your thoughts, take clear notes of what is said, also noting points to revisit later. External interruptions can also be a telephone ringing, a “text message has arrived” chime, or a coworker dropping by in the middle of the conversation. As an effective business communicator, you know all too well to consider the context and climate of the communication interaction when approaching the delicate subject of evaluations or criticism. Choose a time and place free from interruption. Choose one outside the common space where there may be many observers. Turn off your cell phone. Choose face-to-face communication over impersonal email. You respect the individual and the information by providing a space free of interruption.

Determine the Speaker’s Intent

We have discussed previews as a regular part of conversation. In this context, they play an essential role. People want to know what is coming and generally dislike surprises, particularly when an evaluation is present. If you are on the receiving end, you may need to ask a clarifying question if it doesn’t count as an interruption. You may also need to take notes and write down questions that come to mind to address when it is your turn to speak. As a manager, be clear and positive in your opening and lead with praise. You can find one point, even if only the employee consistently shows up to work on time, to highlight before transitioning to a performance issue.

Indicate You Are Listening

In mainstream U.S. culture, eye contact signals that you are listening and paying attention to the person speaking. Take notes, nod, or lean forward to display interest and listening. Whether you are the employee receiving the criticism or the supervisor delivering it, displaying listening behaviour engenders a favorable climate that helps mitigate the challenge of negative news or constructive criticism.

Paraphrase

Restate the main points to paraphrase what has been discussed. This verbal display allows for clarification and acknowledges receipt of the message. If you are the employee, summarize the main points and consider the steps you will take to correct the situation. If none come to mind or you are nervous and having difficulty thinking clearly, state out loud the main point and ask if you can provide solution steps and strategies later. If appropriate, you can request a follow-up meeting or indicate you will respond in writing via e-mail to provide the additional information. If you are the employer, restate the main points to ensure the message was received and understood. Not everyone hears everything said or discussed the first time it is presented. Stress can impair listening, and paraphrasing the main points can help address this typical response.

If You Agree

If an apology is well-deserved, offer it. Communicate what will change and indicate when you will respond with specific strategies to address the concern. As a manager, you will want to formulate a plan that addresses the issue, outlining responsibilities and time frames for corrective action. As an employee, you will want to take specific steps that you can agree on to resolve the problem. Clear communication and acceptance of responsibility demonstrate maturity and respect.

If You Disagree

If you disagree, focus on the points or issue, not personalities. Avoid bringing up past issues and keep the conversation focused on the current task. Now that you have a better understanding of their position, you may want to suggest a follow-up meeting to give you time to reflect on the issues. You may consider involving a third party, investigating the problem further, or taking some time to cool off. Do not respond in anger or frustration; instead, always display professionalism. If the criticism is unwarranted, consider that their information may be flawed or biased. Consider ways to learn more about the case and share them with them, in search of a mutually beneficial solution. If other strategies to resolve the conflict fail, consider contacting your human resources department to learn more about due process procedures at your workplace. Display respect and refrain from saying anything that could harm yourself or your organization in a negative way. Words spoken in anger can have a lasting impact and are impossible to retrieve or take back.

Learn from Experience

Every communication interaction provides an opportunity for learning if you choose to see it that way. Sometimes, the lessons are situational and may not apply in future contexts. At other times, the lessons learned may serve you well throughout your professional career. Taking notes for yourself to clarify your thoughts, much like a journal, serves to document and help you see the situation more clearly. Recognize that some aspects of communication are intentional, and may communicate meaning, even if it is hard to understand. Also, be aware that some aspects of communication may be unintentional and not intended to convey meaning or design. People make mistakes. They say things they should not have said. Emotions are revealed that are not always rational, and not always associated with the current context. A challenging morning at home can spill over into the work day, and someone’s bad mood may have nothing to do with you. Try to distinguish between what you can control and what you cannot, and always choose to be professional.